We Are Enough

Feel Good Movies for a Rough Time Ahead

Just a note, there will be spoilers in this post!

1st February 2020. That’s the date I decided to finally start my reread of Rosa’s story; which marks the start of my editing journey. I have to admit I am absolutely terrified. It’s taken me over 3 years to write and I haven’t read any of it since the end of 2017.

So much has happened in those 3 years; and I guess, I know how much of myself I’ve put into those pages. Yes, of course it’s fiction. I know and totally understand that Rosa’s journey is different from mine but I also know that I put a lot of my life into hers: she has two wonderful parents and an incredible big brother; all of whom love her. Although not literally, we both went through trauma and difficult times – the question is, how much of my trauma did I give her? What am I really going to read, Rosa’s trauma or mine?

That however, is not the point of this post. Today I wanted to look at some of the ways we make ourselves feel better; more specifically the films we watch to cheer ourselves up.

We all have them. The films that we turn to when life feels too hard; when we’ve just had a hard day – basically when we need to warm and fuzzy inside, as I’ve heard my Welsh friends say quite often it’s the film we turn to when all we want in the world is a Cwtch (don’t worry, I’ve linked to a translation for non-welsh users.)

For me, that film is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind directed by Michel Gondry. In fact I love it so much, I decided to analyse it for a Studying Film essay while an undergraduate – I rewatched the same scenes so often for the analysis, I kind of broke my DVD. I know that a lot of you might be confused by this choice. Isn’t it the story of the break-up of a relationship? Isn’t it often described as seeing what happens 6 months after the happily ever after? And maybe it is.

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The film shows many different stages of a relationship: The excited high of flirtation between Stan and Mary; the heartfelt fumbling and awkwardness of Patrick and Clementine. OK so that’s ignoring the fact that Patrick kind of stalks her – maybe it’s better look at the heartfelt fumbling of the start of Joel and Clementine’s relationships. We even see the anger, lack of trust and resentment bubbling under the surface of the marriages of Rob and Carrie or Dr and Mrs Mierzwiak.

But after everything that Joel and Clementine go through in the film they still decide to try because, even after hearing all the hurtful things they say about each other (and felt by the end of their relationship) they still see something in each other. They still see the happiness they once felt together. And for the moment, that’s enough to try.

I’ve always really loved that ending. It always makes me feel better about things; it makes me think that sometimes it’s enough to just try. That sometimes that’s all you need.

So maybe I won’t ever get a cure but waking up each day is enough.

Maybe I’ll never get better enough to go back to just a walking stick, and my crutches will always be part of me but decorating them and making them mine is enough.

Maybe I’ll never feel well enough that I can stop relying on antidepressants to even out my moods; but maybe I’ll find ways to compliment them; maybe the mindfulness and meditation techniques I’m learning will be enough.

Maybe I’ll never get Rosa’s story published; maybe it’ll sit in a folder on my computer gathering dust for years to come but maybe just feeling O.K. to read it again is enough. Maybe finishing her story; finishing my story of the last 3 years is enough.

Maybe I’m enough.

See you in the future ♥

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